Understand Perhaps!
I think I understand better now than I did before well maybe just a little.
Why my ex father in law came back from the Second World War as a changed man why he was a cleaner till the day he retired.
Oh the horrors he must have gone through every night that called for the need to blot it out with drink. He lost his first wife who was burnt to death.
Lost mates during the war years and lived with the agony some of them went through on there return.
I saw some of it too but did I really understand back then I thought I did. Why he drank every night down at the pub and then staggered home and finished it off with a couple of bottles.
Why he may of been upset when I took his only fourteen-year-old daughter away from him, not in the sense of physically away but more in the emotional sense.
Why he was upset when some years later after we had split up we sat in his room and had a few drinks and a good cry.
Finding myself in tears why does it bring back these memories.
After two generations of children and still more to learn one is to wonder did we get it right?
I often ponder that we make as many mistakes now as we ever did, that we do not learn at all.
Sometimes it seems that way although it is not true. My children bring me of late a sadness a lack of comprehension I would never of dreamed of, a feeling of helplessness and an anger of no reason.
Yet I love them so with every last drop of my hearts life’s blood. But still I often find myself in tears and the only reason that brings me out of it is my little one.
Through her I am able to recover to see a sense of being here, an answer far past the lost return call to my children, my last little one gives me comfort just in being.
Stu [stumacsu] Stuart Charles Mackenzie
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